If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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