everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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