my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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