she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
