did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
