If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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