Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
