Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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