I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize