Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
