I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
