Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
