I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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