WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
