if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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