Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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