I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
