I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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