Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
