Soap is not a condiment
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
