My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
