I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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