Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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