I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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