They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
