yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
