He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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