Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
