i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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