Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish my penis had a tongue
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
