Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
