I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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