Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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