Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
