I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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