I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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