I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
