it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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