He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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