im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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