Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
