I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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