i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
