One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
