How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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