she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
