i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
