things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
