only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
