u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
