My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
