Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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