i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
