He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
