It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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