Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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