Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
