i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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