Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
