They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
