When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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