I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
