please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
