Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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