I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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