she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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