he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
