She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
