i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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