Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
