Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
