If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was a blind-side dick pic.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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