he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
