My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
