dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
