Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
