I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
