shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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