so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This toilet bowl is my home.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
