as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
